Our Wedding, Our Rules: Where The Hell Do You Even Start?
Okay so… plot twist. I’m planning a wedding, ahh!
To be completely honest it’s been very weird suddenly being on the other side of things.
After years of photographing weddings, helping couples with timelines, talking about relaxed wedding planning and saying “your wedding, your rules” approximately 4000 times… it turns out actually planning one yourself comes with a whole new perspective.
So I thought y’know what, I should probably document it! So welcome to the first post in Our Wedding, Our Rules… a little series where me and Johnny document the process of planning a wedding that feels like us.
So… where the hell do you even start?
Guest count affects venue choices… Venue affects budget...
Budget affects literally everything… Season affects the whole vibe.
And suddenly you’re deep in a spreadsheet or scrolling pinterest at 11pm trying to work out whether bringing your own drinks saves money or simply creates a new logistical nightmare.
Romance eh!
Turns out the answer is: everywhere and nowhere all at once 😭
I think before getting engaged, I assumed we’d instantly know exactly what we wanted. But when you actually start looking properly, you realise almost every decision affects another one.
One thing we have figured out: vibe matters more than perfection
I know that sounds obvious because I literally say this to couples all the time… but now I fully get it from the other side too.
The weddings I connect with most as a photographer are never the ones that feel the most “perfect.” They’re the ones where:
people feel relaxed
the couple actually spend time together
guests are comfortable
nobody is being dragged from thing to thing all day
And planning our own wedding has made me realise how much I want that feeling for us too.
I think our main priority is creating a really good atmosphere where people just have a good time and there’s plenty of snacks!
Turns out spooky season won 👀
So originally we were looking at September because I thought the weather might be better and originally we wanted outdoors and blah blah blah. But the more we spoke and I spoke to pals everyone was kinda shocked it wasn’t in October. So after thinking a heck of a lot more and being realistic about stuff, we’ve officially booked our venue for next October and y’know what, the second we made the decision it just felt right.
Partly because by that point I’m basically emotionally powered by pumpkins and Pumpkin spice hot chocolates anyway, I AM an Autumn. But I just love everything about spooky season.
The colours, the moodiness, not having to hold back on going all spooky vibes because it wasn’t October. (and I did buy Mr & Mrs Ghosts last year!)
But the timing decision actually became about more than just aesthetics.
One of the biggest things we’ve had to factor into planning is my own wedding photography diary. Spring and summer are obviously peak season for me, which meant we had to think realistically about:
workload
burnout
energy levels
actually being able to enjoy the run up to the wedding
I know what I can be like then I’ve got 6 weddings in the edit queue and I wanted to make sure I could be present and do lots of crafting so choosing October feels like we’re giving ourselves breathing room.
Wedding venue hunting as a wedding photographer is… an experience
I think the weirdest thing so far has been trying to switch off “supplier brain.”
Because I know/have seen too much 😭
I notice:
timeline logistics
weather backup options
how flexible venues are
whether guests will actually feel comfortable
if there’s enough breathing room in the day
whether the venue feels relaxed or overly formal
But at the same time, seeing weddings every weekend has actually made us less focused on perfection.
Some of the best weddings I’ve ever photographed weren’t the most expensive or elaborate. They just felt intentional. The couple made decisions based on themselves instead of expectations.
That’s what we keep coming back to.
It also felt really hard to say no to the venues we loved but ultimately didn’t work as well for an October wedding because I hate letting people down and I didnt wanna feel awkward!
Things we care about so far
At this point in planning, the things we keep prioritising are:
a relaxed atmosphere
flexibility
good food & drink
personality over perfection
not feeling rushed
making decisions together - This one is the important one!
doing things because we genuinely want to, not because weddings are “supposed” to have them
Which probably sums up our whole relationship quite well really.
Current status update:
Venue booked ✔️
Far too many Pinterest boards ✔️
Deep emotional attachment to disco balls ✔️
Still mildly overwhelmed? Absolutely.
But now we’ve booked the venue and settled on next October, it suddenly feels real and I think it gives us more of a focus on the other stuff to come.
Planning it from this side has already changed the way I look at weddings as a photographer. I understand the emotional side of decision-making so much more now. Not just the logistics, but the pressure couples feel to make the “right” choices.
Which is exactly why I keep coming back to the same thing:
your wedding should feel like you first and foremost.