Alternative Wedding Ideas for Couples Who Want to Do Things Their Own Way
Planning your wedding and not to keen on following all the ‘expected’ traditions and looking for some alternative wedding ideas. Here’s some ideas to get you started.
Planning your alternative wedding
There’s this weird moment when you start planning a wedding where it goes from “this is gonna be SO much fun” to “Oh shit” & it suddenly feels like you’ve accidentally signed up to host a full-scale production/festival/event.
There’s timelines to think about, the age old ‘traditions’, everyone else's expectations.
Stuff you didn’t even realise was “a thing” until someone asked you about it.
Now I’m planning my own wedding as well as photographing them, I’m seeing it from both sides. Theres so much I thought I knew that I’m realising I didnt know enough about. When you’re actually on the planning side of things there's so many decisions to make it's a bit overwhelming. But I’ll always be an advocate for the mindset of: You don’t have to do any of it if you don’t want to. Or… you can do it, just not in the way everyone expects.
So if you’re planning a wedding in Essex (or anywhere tbh) and want it to feel like you, here are some alternative wedding ideas that keep the meaning but ditch the pressure.
Do things that actually feel like you
This sounds obvious but it’s really not. It’s so easy to slip into:
“What do people normally do?” “What will guests expect?” “Should we be doing this?”
Instead of:
“What would we actually enjoy?”. That there is the key, do the things that you as a couple will enjoy. Your wedding doesn't need to be a day of tick lists, it doesn't need to look like a pinterest board and it doesn’t need to involve unnecessary spending of the budget just because you think you should be doing something.
Rethink the timeline (aka stop cramming everything in)
Hot take from the photography part of my brain: most wedding timelines are way too packed.
Things you don’t need:
2 hours of getting ready photos
A registrar ceremony
Speeches after dinner
Organised fun
Zero breathing room
You do need:
Time to hang out
Time to eat
Time to actually speak to people
Things we’re thinking about doing for our wedding:
Having a 1pm ceremony - you’re paying a lot of money for this day, we want to spend as much time together and with our guests as possible
Skip parts of the morning - I’m not bothered about loads of pictures of me having my hair/make up done or set pyjama pictures. I just want some candid photos that get the vibe.
A celebrant ceremony - Way more fun, sets the tone of the day, you dont need to be ready by xyz time to talk to them.
Speeches during the drink reception so they are more laid back and we dont need to sit down for dinner early.
Move your speeches (seriously)
Okay so to elaborate on my point above. This is one of my favourite swaps.
There's always the before/after/inbetween course debate. Do them before and the food gets cold and people are hungry, do them in between and it's the same thing plus awkward for people that want to go to the bar/toilet/smoke etc. Do them after and people are a bit bore of sitting at the table. Have speeches during your drinks reception.
Why it works:
People are relaxed
No one is waiting for food
It feels more natural and less formal
You get way better reactions (and photos)
Share food your way
You don’t have to do a formal sit-down meal if that’s not your vibe.
Alternative ideas:
Sharing platters
Street food
Grazing tables
Pizza / tacos / cheese toasties (yes, always yes)
Food is one of the biggest parts of the day, we’ve ALL been to a wedding where there wasnt enough food. Make it something you actually love, not just something that “fits a wedding”. If you both love pizza have pizza. If a roast dinner is your love language do that! Personally we’re hoping for some kind of nandos style dinner, chicken, chips & halloumi, YES please.
Scrap traditions that don’t mean anything to you
You absolutely don’t have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or you just dont want to do.
First dance
Cake cutting
Bouquet toss
Matching wedding parties
None of these things are mandatory. If the idea of doing them makes you feel a bit cringe?
That’s your answer right there. I’m definitely not throwing my bouquet!
Alternatively… keep them, but make them yours
Alternative doesn’t have to mean throwing everything out. Theres actually certain traditions that I quite like or do make part of the day flow well. But the key is tweak things so they suit you and your wedding vibe.
Want to do a first dance but are a little nervous… get everyone to join you halfway through - AND pick a song that you love!
Cake… Anything that involves cake is always a winner, that being said they can be expensive and dont always get eaten so consider getting some Colins, brownies, doughnuts, whatever tasty treat you love.
Wedding outfits. You can wear any colour you like. Any shoes you like. This is all about your taste so wear what you love and feels you!
Change the layout of your ceremony like Fran & Kate did so everyone is sitting around you rather than 2 straight rows.
I personally want to walk down the aisle with both my parents because I don’t see it as ‘being given away’ by my dad. I see it as these awesome humans that raised me supporting me together down the aisle.
Are you having all having fun?
When you really think about it, I think it comes to a few things.
If you & your guests are: Comfortable, well fed & having fun then you’re winning.
I promise you noone is leaving your wedding thinking “it’s a bit weird they did the speeches early” (and if they are thinking those things then they’re weird!)
I guarantee people will always remember the vibe, the food, the music & the fun they had.
Fuck perfection.
To put it bluntly, to me this is the biggest one. If you’re chasing the idea of this perfect day with perfect weather and everything running to your time specific schedule then I think you’re gearing yourself up for disappointment.
From my experience of weddings things will always slightly run over, go slightly off plan, be a bit chaotic at times. Thats just life. The key is to embrace whatever happens. If it rains you can’t change that, but if your guests see you still having fun they will too. If your dinner overruns and the band cant start until a little later, cool, take that extra time to mingle a bit more and then get your dance on.
As a documentary wedding photographer in Essex, those are the bits that actually matter. The unscripted, slightly messy, completely real parts of the day and if you’re in the thick of it having fun then everyones gonna feed off your energy and do the same.
Planning a Non-Traditional Wedding?
If you’re planning a wedding that feels relaxed, personal and a little bit different, you’re exactly my kind of people.
I’m totally here for doing things your way. I’ll be the person encouraging your rule breaking and telling you it is A-okay to go against the grain.
FAQ: Alternative Weddings in Essex
-
An alternative wedding is simply one that reflects you as a couple, rather than following traditional expectations. That might mean changing timelines, skipping traditions, or choosing a more relaxed or creative venue. You dont need to present yourself as alternative to have an alternative wedding.
-
Not at all. You can include, adapt or skip any tradition depending on what feels right for you. Despite what some people will tell you there are literally no rules when it comes to wedding planning, only what works for your day.
-
Some popular ideas include moving speeches to the drinks reception, choosing fun food options, skipping formalities, wearing non-traditional outfits, or building your day around meaningful locations.
-
Usually, yes. Alternative weddings often focus more on atmosphere and experience rather than strict structure and traditional timelines, which naturally creates a more relaxed day.
-
Absolutely. I’m so here for taking something and doing the complete opposite of whats expected. You don’t need a specific type of venue to have an alternative wedding. It’s about how you use the space, plan your day, and make it your own.
